First of all, Marks and Spencer Food marketing department, your food is average, so that’s why you’re being discussed in this here forum. So there.

Secondly, I know what you’re doing. Yes, I’m onto you, you vile, disgusting scumbags.

I know.

I know that there’s a bunch of tempting and overpriced (and average) snacks and sweets right there on the twisted path to the till. I don’t need them to supplement what I’m already buying, and in fact, don’t even want them.

But here’s the turn. Standing in your queue for a critical timescale, let’s say 1.75minutes, convinces the queuer that they are in fact unconvinced by their conviction that they don’t want any of the passably tasty offerings displayed in cynically faux-haphazard alignment to the near-future payer for goods.

I don’t know, but I suspect that the reason there’s never a time when every till is occupied by a member of staff, even during office lunch hour at a mainline train station, is it’s deliberate. You can’t make Chernobyl without the right quantity of Plutonium, and you can’t make an extra £2-4 off every customer without a critical mass behind the line of no-stray.

This is not just mind games; its M&S mind games. Yeah, that one was pretty obvious.

Anyway, your game’s up, you average, average Haemorrhoids of humans. Percy Pig can suck my Colin the Caterpillar.

M&S Food: 6/10

M&S Dark Arts: 10/10


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