FISH WITH SEEDS ON (WAITROSE, PROBABLY)

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You know what I think when I put a piece of fish in the oven? “This fish could really do with, y’know, like some seeds on it.”

For God’s sake.

Nobody, nobody, wants seeds on a piece of fish. To be quite frank, nobody really wants seeds on anything, do they? At a stretch people might want to munch on a handful of sunflower or pumpkin seeds on their own, but no one wants a piece of otherwise perfectly acceptable food to be needlessly adorned with such items. Bread with seeds on? Balls to it.

There is actually something extremely infantilising about putting seeds on a piece of fish. I can’t really articulate why I think that, but I do. (“I can’t really articulate why I think that” – a sure sign of a quality food review.) The kind of people who would purvey seeded fish are probably also the kind of people who would describe said produce as ‘yummy’. Yummy? YUMMY?! I AM NOT A BABY! I DO NOT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT YOUR FOOD IS ‘YUMMY’! AND NOTHING WITH SEEDS ON IS EVER YUMMY! IT IS MISERABLY TOLERABLE, AT BEST!

Next time someone tries to serve me anything with seeds on, I’m going to take them off. I’m crazy like that.

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