Inasmuch as I am famous for anything, I am famous for my willingness to try frankly outrageous-sounding beverages. When I was around eleven years old, a friend and I used to pass a ‘health food’ establishment on our way to school, and were intrigued by something called ‘wheatgrass’. You’ve probably heard of it. We hadn’t. And it sounded FASCINATING – Wheat? Grass? In a drink? What could possibly go wrong?
A lot, as it turned out. The thing tasted, quite literally, of grass.
You may or may not be pleased to know that this unfortunate, childhood-defining occurrence did not attenuate my desire for bizarre beverages. And so it came to pass that, on one of those this-may-or-may-not-be-a-date events with a very attractive university friend, I happened upon a can of aloe vera juice. I know, I know – the stuff that they put in shampoo. A can of it. In a drink. But I bought it anyway, and took a swig right in front of her. Some men flex their biceps; others down pints. I drink cans of aloe vera juice.
And fuck me it was bad.
So, the fact that today I bought and consumed a carton of Jamaican peanut juice will not strike those who know me as particularly surprising. In fact, you might even say it was So Josh Seigal (SJS). But buy and consume it I did. Jamaicans, it has to be said, have some interesting-sounding culinary fare. In the shop from which the peanut juice was purchased they sold something simply called ‘ground food’. Whether this meant food from the ground, or food that had been ground up, I have no idea. At any rate, surely it is simply a given that what was being served was food, and it didn’t need to be specified as such on the menu. Bizarre. And also, in the shop in question, they sold something simply called ‘goat’. Not ‘curry goat’, or ‘goat stew’; just ‘goat’. Such jaw-dropping levels of non-specificity can only be admired.
Anyway, back to the peanut juice. It turned out to be highly pleasant – essentially a sweet, peanut-flavoured milkshake. In fact, I felt a little disappointed at how non-weird it tasted. But in its defence it never claimed to be weird; that was just me projecting my sheltered, narrow-minded sensibilities onto it. Thus, the fact that it tasted nice cannot be held against it.
A solid 8/10.