CRISPY SEAWEED

I think if we all looked deep within ourselves for around 35 seconds, we’d admit that crispy seaweed, as served in East Asian restaurants and takeaways, is the greatest food of all.

And this, of course, all in spite of the fact that few have ever asked the question as to whether they are truly eating seaweed or some semi of wholly artificial derivative or even parody of seaweed with loads of brown sugar chucked on top so the nucleus accumbens tells the rest of the brain shut the fuck up and party.

This, though, is not a food for questions, be they succinct or multi-clausal.

Crispy seaweed makes a person who resolutely refuses to ask the big questions out of the most intense analysts of existence. Nietzsche, Descartes and Swedenborg, among others, are known to have been massive fans.

Carnivores, herbivores, confuseds, it’s ok. Let’s get honest with ourselves and unite behind the one true food of supreme, unique greatness.Let us shout out loud and clear that we no longer want this delicacy to serve a novelty status in what in the scheme of things is a narrow realm of eateries: we want crispy seaweed as standard with kebabs, fish and chips, goulash, hot dogs, sprinkled on porridge, the whole shebang.

Tabasco has already been classed in the 10/10+ category recently, and ultimately a trend for giving things more than 10/10 is unconstructive and must be resolutely nipped in the bud. At the same time, if this blog’s argument is to ring true, affirmative action on this troubling tendency must be deferred for a later date, in the public interest.

Crispy seaweed: 13/10

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