If there’s one thing fortune cookies have ever lacked, other than decent fortunes and increased pragmatism, it’s definitely meat (or meat substitute). This is an idea that should be taken forward by the kind of people the Evening Standard describes as ‘groovy culturepreneurs‘.

Joshua and I are not groovy culturepreneurs, but tomorrow, we are presenting Average Food Blog: LIVE to the people of a café on Brick Lane, London, and The World. A crowd of at between 3 and 23,578 is expected.

We won’t be serving meatball fortune cookies – though we considered it until it was described by some early focus groups as an utterly disgusting concept that will certainly turn the crowd against us.

There’s also the issue of food hygiene, and the possibility of bringing down further the reputation of a fine cafe whose reputation will surely be sullied simply by hosting us.

This is essentially a blog about nothing. It’s weak as a pitch for the mainstream uptake of a meat/ mysticism product; it’s weak as an attempt to promote an event. But it’s not a problem. We are, after all, a blog that’s published a review of a food not eaten and a food unnamed or even alluded to.

Average Food Blog: LIVE is part of The Busdriver’s Prayer at Kalaila Café, Brick Lane, tomorrow (Thursday 27 June) at 7.30pm

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