EATING ON THE FRINGE: THE BFG DIET

Brothers and Sisters of the Edinburgh Fringe: Average Food Blog is here for you.

Sure, a proportion of you will be there on mummy and daddy’s joint account card (I’m thinking those in musical theatre mainly), so affordable diet suggestions will be largely null and void to you. But this is not meant for you, unless as an edifying exercise is how the others get by. If the latter, rack up some caviar crudités and read on, smirking with advanced condescension.

Last year, I got by on what I’m now formally terming the BFG Diet: bananas, falafel, grapes.

Actually, it was melon and grape prepared combo fruit boxes, but I tend to think that the grapes are the flair player in that duo; ultimately the only fruit participant worth a mention. It also allows me to make a lame literary reference for those who’d definitely require it of an Edinburgh Fringe-related blog.

This diet ensures a mix of solidity, satisfaction and vitamins. Three bananas, two falafel wraps inclusive of liberal lashings of all available sauces and garnishes, plus a couple of combo boxes should just about see you through the day, at a cost of just under a tenner. There are several very reputable falafel retailers in central Edinburgh locations. I can vouch for Zenobia on North Bridge, despite its average *** rating on Yelp. What do them reviewers know anyway? Eh? Eh?!

I would be lying if I said that this hits daily recommended calorie intake. As a man doing a show about morality, my advice resulting in the theoretical starvation of scores and actual starvation of nobody would perhaps prove pretty rich.

With this in mind, perhaps supplement this diet with some cheese slices straight out of the pack (I recommend Gouda) and a few spoonfuls of peanut butter straight out of the jar (I recommend crunchy); bring it up to a round Scottish note value. If you’re feeling slightly luxuriant after a reasonable Free Fringe bucket, a third falafel meal is not out of the question.

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