Is chocolate milkshake ever really that good?
This is a question many of the great thinkers of our time haven’t pondered. Perhaps they should have. Or, perhaps the pondering should have been more nuanced: is chocolate milkshake ever really as good as we sense it ought to be?
Anyway, one of the great thinkers I may not be, but I’m here to ponder it right now. And the answer is no. To both.
Yes, chocolate milkshake is religiously disappointing, and to add potentially an extra layer of disappointment to the experience, I have got quite into drinking Alpro soya milkshake. Having previously drank it by accident I found that it in fact is no more disappointing than other no-soya store brands, so therefore feels strangely like its better.
It also feels like it should be healthier, but I haven’t been arsed to do the research to establish whether that’s the case. Let’s go with yes, it definitely is healthier.
I want to make this much clear: chocolate milkshake is in no way abhorrent. All the same, no matter how sweet any given example is, it just seems heavy and somehow sort of savoury. It solidly hits about a 70:30 chore-to-pleasure ratio.
It’s be fair to concede that there is a lot of uncertainty in this blog. But there again there is barely any certainty in any of these blogs. Welcome to the real world, motherfuckers. Life ain’t all joy filtered through milky beverages; better get real. Really, really real. Drink strawberry milkshake.
CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE: 5/10
ALPRO SOYA CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE: 6/10