GRASS

File:Green Grass.JPG

Grass: seen often, loved by many, loved excessively by ruminants. When it all boils down, grass is a very average food. We’re not talking about that home-cultivated wheatgrass here, no sir/madam.

But anyway, down to business. And when I say business, I mean eating grass and telling you about it, just in case modern society’s infrastructures crumble and you’re left hunkering down with the green stuff that lawns are based on.

To give grass the benefit of a fair test, I ate it both freshly picked and soaked it for a couple of days in my own tears*.

I’m not going to air-brush this fact: grass has a really bad aftertaste.

I’m also not going to air-brush this fact: even water-marinated grass takes a lot of chewing down before a swallow can be attempted. Grass tastes of a metallic nothing – much in the style of a Pink ‘N White pink sweetmeat.

But lo! Revelation! Upon eating un-soaked grass second, I realise that dry grass is in fact way easier to get down, plus, devoid of a soaking process or any kind of preparatory aforethought, it’s actually pretty tasty.

Well, no. It isn’t remotely. But it does taste of something: there’s a certain sweetness to be there, and the texture is nervously approaching reasonable.

I’m additionally not going to air-brush this fact: grass – that vegetation be fibrous, get me? Yeah? excrement. That’s what I mean; almost instant bowel reactions. Of course you won’t have to be near a toilet when society’s infrastructures crumble and you’re forced to go down this particular culinary route. Silver linings.

Grass (dry): 0.5/10

Grass (two-day soaked): 0.2/10

*Water, out of a tap

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