the devil’s curd

The other night your humble author was thrust into rather an awkward situation. A situation involving a young girl. And a cake. Bear with me.

Said girl was selling delicious-looking homemade cakes, at one pound a pop. Hard to go wrong, you might be thinking. And, by and large, I agree. It is hard to go wrong, and the girl deserves a bundle of Brownie points for achieving this feat.

‘What was the problem?’ I hear you gasping, moist with anticipation. And I’ll tell you. Lemon curd. The problem was lemon curd.* For deep within the bowels of the cake, hidden from the unsuspecting eater (ideally I’d think of a slightly more elaborate word than ‘eater’; I’m sure such a thing exists, but recollecting this unfortunate incident is addling my mind), was a surprising and unwanted blob of lemonular curdage.

Is my problem with this contingent upon a pre-existing dislike of the aforementioned curd? Yes and no. It is true that I dislike lemon curd intensely, so finding an unexpected blob of it in my cake was never exactly going to have me leaping with joy. But I would also be inclined to make the admittedly controversial point that an unexpected blob of anything is never a good thing. Why make it unexpected? Why not simply make it clear that the item of food about to be bought is with-blob? Why are you trying to hide it? Why are you laughing at me? WHY IS EVERYONE LAUGHING AT ME??

Lemon curd: 2/10

Unexpected lemon curd: 0/10

*when you think about it, most problems are lemon curd.


  1. southsidesocialist

    Lemon curd is delicious, especially my extra-delicious homemade lemon curd, which I then put into a lemon sponge for lemon curd layer cake. I fear i am losing faith in your ability to make sound judgements about food.

    1. Gary W Hartley

      There has been something of a backlash against Joshua’s curd-based negativity. I will concede that we have been a little down on our foods recently. The thing is, you just can’t choose how your average foods fall, but we will take our happy pills and think of England. No, actually, that won’t make us more upbeat. We will think of almond Magnums.


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