RANDOM MEAT, OR, PSYCHOLOGICAL URGES BORNE BY HAVING A VEGETARIAN PARTNER

random meat

Don’t deny that you’ve spent at least a quantum of time admirably upon the pink area of a local mini-market; the altar of the lover of random, plastic-covered meat.

The meaty temptations are almost endless: Silesian sausage, all the other central European ones, chipolatas, Chorizo, turkey-based Halal salami, Peperami, pseudo-Peparami, ham off-cuts and much, much more. I just dribbled on my keyboard – not saliva. No, actually, it was saliva. No, actually it was merely a dramatic flourish on the page and nothing more.

If this is not a temptation microstate within the minimarket temptation island enough, try adding a vegetarian Significant Other to the mix.

I have been with a vegetarian for over three years, and although this experience has overall been very much to my satisfaction, thoughts of Random Meat Sections enter my brain at least three times a day; up from 1-2 times prior to this era. Imagine how that impacts on real-world scenarios. No, actually don’t – I’m going to tell you.

The scene’s set: it is decreed that you must pick up some spring onions, some dark soy sauce and a pack of tofu on your way round, and the most convenient betwixt-venue minimarket has a larger-than-average Random Meat fridge. The eye wanders, the feet wander, the soul wanders in tow.

There are occasions where no Random Meat purchase is made, when I can beat my soul down, but there are more occasions when a medium-sized pack of non-specific preserved flesh is ravenously consumed within seconds of leaving the outlet’s door, salty water dribbling onto my overcoat.

I do not anticipate my rising love of Random Meat to curtail its pace – and sadly there is a chance it will at some point equal my love of the vegetarian; some would say it simply is a matter of time. In such a scenario it would remain to be seen whether she could love the man and the Meat (Random). It will surely be a test for the most patient human, as there may realistically come a point when I spend most of my waking hours ogling a food area which fair resembles the b-list selections of Dr Frankenstein’s lab. MMM, Lovely frankfurters.

ALL RANDOM MEAT – 9/10 and rising

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