Look, I’m not saying this is the kind of shit they might have eaten in the Cabaret Voltaire in 1916 – but most would find the ingredients that follow moderately challenging to their perceptions of the world, and indeed the entire concept of ‘the sandwich’:


Black pudding (Sainsbury’s)

A third of a fresh beetroot (found, grated)

A third of an on-the-turn red onion (found, grated)

Mature cheddar (newsagent, grated)

Pitta bread (brown, Sainsbury’s)


Firstly, in mitigation, my girlfriend eats better than me, hence coming across the vegetables that inspired this potential flavour sensation.

There are some divisive foods here. In reverse order of divisiveness I’d say Pitta > newsagent cheddar > beetroot > black pudding > any foods that are on the turn. It was a very metallic experience as sandwiches go – the sort of thing Kraftwerk were probably eating during the recording of Man Machine. For a few bites, however, it seemed quite palatable, but this experience was not to last. Bad flavours happened.

Indeed, true to form, it was the on-the-turn red onion that did the sandwich in, providing a flavour so acrid it reminded me of second-hand petroleum fumes from a second-hand engine carried in an estate car with the windows down – something I have first-hand childhood experience of with a self-employed motor mechanic father. Four chocolate digestives were required to take away the bulk of the aftertaste, but remnants remained hours later.

The key message of this blog in essence is don’t eat raw things that are on the verge of mould.

EFFORT: 7/10

RESULT: 2/10


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