Ladies and gentlemen, before I start typing solely in capital letters, I want you to strap yourself in for a stunning revelation.
OK? Good. Off we go.
DRIED FIGS AND FIG ROLLS TASTE EXACTLY THE SAME. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE OF ANY KIND IS THAT DRIED FIGS ARE SLIGHTLY CHEWIER, BUT THIS, AS IT TURNS OUT, IS AN ENJOYABLE ADVANTAGE.
THE MAIN IMPLICATION OF WHICH BEING THAT THERE NEVER WAS ANY NEED FOR THE ‘ROLL’ ELEMENT OF THE FIG ROLL.
I REPEAT: THERE NEVER WAS ANY NEED FOR THE ‘ROLL’ ELEMENT OF THE FIG ROLL.
LOGICALLY, THIS LEADS TO A REVEALING OF THE SECOND, NO LESS SHOCKING IMPLICATION: THERE WAS NEVER ANY NEED FOR FIG ROLLS AT ALL.
WE HAVE BEEN SWINDLED FOR ALL THIS TIME, PEOPLE.
SOMEONE*, SOMEWHERE** IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS HIDEOUS PULLING OF SOFT PASTRY-TEXTURED WOOL OVER JUST SO MANY EYES.
I’M SORRY FOR RUINING YOUR DAY.
DRIED FIGS/ FIG ROLLS: 6/10
*THE ILLUMINATI, IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE FLOUR INDUSTRY
**I’M SAYING AN INDUSTRIAL ESTATE JUST OUTSIDE OF SWINDON
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